My 6-year old had been struggling for several days, so he ended up telling us about it.
– In fact, it’s hard for me to make decisions. I don’t know, I just want to please everyone.
– But what do you really want?
– I want everyone to be happy. I want to be nice to everyone, but then everyone wants to be my friend, or my lover and they call me constantly: “Come play with me”, “no, come with me instead” and then I don’t really know anymore.
– You don’t really know what you want anymore?
– I don’t really know who I am anymore, in my heart.
We talked a lot, for several days, at different times. I learned, amongst other things, that he had several “girlfriends”… but that in fact, he had not.
– But, uh, do you mean… friends?
– No, girlfriends.
– But there are… many of them?
– There’s… { he lists }… so 6, that’s 6. But everyone has one in the classroom. Except Nico1 who doesn’t because he sticks his boogers on girls.
– Oh yes, that’s a good reason. But do the others have six girlfriends?
– No, sometimes girls have one or two boyfriends, and boys have one or two girlfriends. But I have six. I don’t know why.
After a while, I tried to focus my questions a little bit to find out more:
– And you, are you in love too?
– I only love Julie1.
– And what are you two doing?
– She’s funny. She takes my hand sometimes, and we play Daddy and Mom with Theo1 who is the baby. She calls me “Little Bunny.”
– And you like that, “Little Bunny”?
– No, I don’t, but if it’s her, it’s fine. If it’s her, I like it, it’s ok.
A few days later, I met Julie1. She offered me her greatest smile, it was so cute. When we came home, my boy explained some things to me.
– You know, Dad, we won’t be in love for the rest of our lives, probably.
– Perhaps, darling. That’s why you have to make the most of it.
– Yes, because one day she may not want me to be her boyfriend no more.
– Yes, it can happen. What are you gonna tell her that day?
– Well, I’d be sad, but I’d tell her it’s okay. If she doesn’t want to be my girlfriend anymore, it is she who decides. We can’t force people to be in love.
Then one night, while he was in bed, he decided to tell me one last anecdote.
– We played Mom and Dad again today.
– Was it nice?
– No, Nico tried many times to kiss Julie on the mouth. And Julie doesn’t like it.
– And you should never force anyone, you’re right. You told the teacher?
– I told Nico and since he wasn’t listening, I told the teacher and then he stopped. Julie kissed me on the cheek. She said that she wants us to have children when we grow up.
– Maybe it’s a little early for these kinds of decisions, isn’t it?
– Yes, but when I grow up, I’ll have children!
Like every night, I kissed him goodnight and get up to turn off the light while leaving the room.
Dad, when I have kids, will you please be their grandpa?
I felt surprised and moved. I never imagined that one day one of them would ask me this question… He added:
You’re a great dad, I want them to have a great grandpa like you.
While trying to master my voice, I said “ok!” and turned off the light without turning around, so he wouldn’t see my tears of joy. He wouldn’t have understood.
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for obvious reasons, I changed the names. ↩